First, there was the Yahoo 360 blog. For a first time blogger, that's an ideal site: limited traffic and the ability to use it during my lunch breaks at work. After they blocked that site, I was forced to find other forms of ways to get my ideas of stories across. So, when vandalism and cults didn't work out, I broke down and joined the Myspace community. Unable to access on work computers but easy access from my phone, I became addicted and my battery (already low from a bouncing signal in the dead zone that is "my home") began to suffer. So, what to do?
I've read a few different blogs from this site and figured this is a good venue to get any frustrations or museings out and not have to worry about who it'll offend or annoy (like that bothered me in the first place..).
Truth be told, I'm addicted to just typing about random ass things and needed another place to do it before I got bored with it altogether.
**eyes veer to toolbar** Spell Check... Neat. (-:
So, anyhow, things have been weird as of late. Rach and I are about to celebrate our 1 year together and a couple of days ago was the one year mark until the wedding (October 10th, 2009 thus far...) and alot of the things we used to do we aren't doing as much anymore.
MIND OUTTA THE GUTTERS, PERVS!
I'm talking about putting together puzzles, playing board games, dancing to random ass songs.. And I know what you're probably thinking: "you are a guy, right? Why do those things intrest you?" I'm here to tell ya that deep down (not even deep down, more like 1st layer) I'm a romantic. I have the rolodex memory that most women have, sometimes putting Rachel to shame on little moments I remember down to every detail. We still occasionally have a nice candle lit dinner and dance when the mood is right, but lately it's few and far in between. It's not that we're falling out of love or anything. She's just got alot on her mind and is thouroughly just exhausted her brain kicking on hyperdrive. All of the bad things that can be floating around in her head (childhood memories and nightmares of "Asshole Jerry" who leaves her or kills her at the altar, WHOLE other can of worms there) have left her almost paralyzed and afraid to be alone. She's breaking down alot and it hurts me like hell to see it and hurts even worse to know that I can never really help. It's times like those that I remember those simpler times putting puzzles together at the dining room table listening to old Fastball and Yellowcard CDs looking over and breaking her concentration just to see her cock her head to the side and smile. She still does that on occasion, but it just leaves me wondering where her mind was beforehand.
We went to see her therapist today. Initially I was going to go back with her and sit in on the session, but circumstances left me in the ever so quiet lobby with my "Book Of Hall of Fame Heels" (wrestling book, not about shoes...). Her therapist is one of those "and how does that make you feel" type that aggrovates the shit out of her. Hell, it aggrovates me and I'm not the one that has to talk to her. How is she supposed to be any help if the only thing she's doing is either restating the obvious or asking that all-too-trite, question?
After that, we made our rounds to Wal-mart. If you ever need to go to that pit of despair, 9 a.m. is the perfect time. Not many people cluttering the aisles and plenty of people manning registers. We were outta ther in a jiff...
Well, I'm being beckoned to the other room by my lady. I'll go ahead and end this here, though I see it has a nice little save feature so that I can pick it up later, but by then my train of thought will be gone so...
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